This Is My Symphony

It’s been way too long since I posted on here.

Too much has happened to even begin catching up on now.

But I will ask for prayers for strength.

Because I definitely need them.

Talk about a cliffhanger, eh? ;)

So this is what it feels like to be alone. it’s been so long

“How are your glasses?” Dad asks

“Good.” she answers blankly

He chuckles, “You were day dreaming.”

You have no idea.

More drama.

Life is so full of suprises.

I wish it would take a chill pill though.

Cause with this weather and all these new things, my head might pop off.

I mentioned earlier that the ‘sun is coming’ and I guess I should fill you in on the details. :)

a.) I was offered a job.

A grown-up job.

At my co-op.

On the spot.

I am ecstatic! Today was my second day and I am very happy already.
I know there will be struggles and I’m a bit intimidated, but I can tell I’m really going to like it.

I mean, how can anyone hate a job where you can go down and play cards and do puzzles???

                                       Certainly not me.

Now, that makes the job sound simple. It is NOT. It is a lot of work and by 4 I am beat! But I have met some beautiful people already.

It is wonderful hours, and I can’t complain about the wage. It’s exciting!

However.

                                           There’s always a ‘however…’

I am going to miss my part-time job terribly. There is no way I could keep both up, but I am so sad to say good bye to this great place I’ve spent many hours at. I have made relationships with some great people and am sad to leave!

I am excited to get my evenings and Saturdays back though, having some ‘me’ time and hanging with the bf will be good.

Oof, the bf. That’s a whole other story. But a story for another day.

b.) I got glasses! When I figure out how to post a picture on here, I will. Because I know eeeeeeveryone is dying to see. (hahaha, ya right)

c.) I don’t really know, I’m just happy. :)

Finally, things are loooking up. Thank you God.

that yucky time is over.

                                         here comes the sun! :)

or just a happy day really.

I’ve been on the brink of tears for the past 2.5 days.

I need some happy news.

No more sadness.

I don’t know if I can take it anymore.

I’m sick of bad days.

Now I definitely know Social Work isn’t for me, I know what burnout feels like and I can’t handle it.

Maybe it’s me??

I know you get out of life what you make of it, and I can’t really complain because I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a car to drive for heaven’s sake, but I’m so used to happiness that so much sad is really dragging me down.
I must have very drastic mood changes.

I feel like all I do here is complain, but I’m really just getting it all out, because the one’s closest to me don’t seem to care to listen anymore. And ’friends’ are dropping like flies.

And I’m just petrified.

today was an extremely sad, yet amazingly happy day.

I got to spend the whole day shopping with my mom, picked out my glasses (p.s. I’m getting glasses) and had a delicious lunch.

But she told me some horrific news, that didn’t even get into all the details, about a friend of ours that brought us both to tears. It made me so completely angry, I had so much adrenaline I was frightened of what I was capable of. It made me almost lose any sense of hope in the human race all together. Thank goodness for their faith in God, otherwise I don’t know where they would be. I realized this obviously isn’t the only instance of such a tragedy and that made me even more upset. What is the world coming to??

This got us thinking about the fact that when really analyzed, our lives are graced with 2-3 close, beautiful friends and everyone else is merely an acquaintance. This is a shocking thing to notice, for the record. I know there are 3 people outside of my family whom I could count on for ANYTHING. Other than that? I wouldn’t really trust them to make me a coffee. How depressing is that?? We surround ourselves with false relationships masked as “close friendships” and are fooled into thinking they mean more than that. You think you know someone and then they show you who they really are.

And it sucks.

It made me very sad, depressed really, at people around me and I realized how difficult it is to be a Christian. I know I’m certainly not the best there is out there, but the way people act, the things they do to others, makes me nauseous just thinking about it. How am I supposed to ‘love thy neighbour as thyself’ when the thought of them gives me gag reflexes? I can tell I have a lot of work to do, not only on myself but on my faith big time.

I think the hardest part for me to stomach is the people who hurt my friend?

                     God loves them just as much as He loves me.

all my troubles seemed so faaaar away……

Just kidding. Although I could go for some Beatles right now……

Back to business.

Yesterday I was driving my Youth home right before our Good Friday Service after our Famine sleepover (a WHOLE other story) and I realized how many people were out doing yard work, walking dogs, texting, driving around, at Tim Hortons I realized a.) how many places were still open and b.) it seemed many people were taking nothing to do with the actual meaning of Good Friday. It was very apparent that this was just a welcomed day off with pay. That breaks my heart. Good Friday is my most FAVOURITE day of the entire year. What could be better than the day that the Saviour of the world died for every single one of your sins so you can have eternal life? Really? Nothing, for me! I wanted to jump out of my car and pile them in with us and take them to church with me.

Although I have no idea where I’m going with my life, I hope that it has something to do with changing other’s. I want to bring people to God, even just one person. As I’ve seen on my favourite website Pinterest, I don’t want to shove my beliefs down people’s throats, but man are they missing out.

I am so totally, completely burned out.

I took on way too many things lately and I am definitely feeling the repurcussions.

Here is a week in the life:
MONDAY:   TUESDAY:   WEDNESDAY:  THURSDAY:    FRIDAY:    SATURDAY:
co-op 9-4   co-op 9-4    co-op 9-4      co-op 9-4     co-op 9-4   work 830-5
work 5-9     work 4-9     work 5-9        GG 7-9         Youth 6-9   Youth 6-9?

This may not look like a lot to some. I’m not even married or have children, but I am EXHAUSTED. I want my me time back. I used to think that was selfish of me, to want more time for myself. But now I realize that I need that time to just…relax. To read my bible, to catch up on e-mails and do something mindless, to just SIT without having to worry if I’m missing something, if there’s something I should be doing, something I’ve forgotten. I can’t tell you how messy my ‘apartment’ has gotten and how badly I have to clean. But when I get a minute to breathe, I don’t want to clean! I want to do something mindless!

This makes me sound ungrateful, which I am not by any means. 

I have a nice co-op that I will be finished with in 2 weeks and then I will be graduating from College. That is huge!

I have a job that is perfect for me and I love it! I know many people can’t say that and I am thankful that I can.

I love my Youth group very much. I can see them growing and although there is much work to be done and it does stress me out sometimes, I do love spending time with them and I learn from them every time we are together.

GG on Thursdays has changed my life DEFINITELY for the better. I don’t really know what else to say. 

With it being Easter weekend, I can’t help but mention how thankful I am for my relationship with God and His love. I know that no matter how imperfect I am (because Him and I both know I have a LONG way to go) He always has my back. He will always love me and cherish me and want to have me. That makes me feel so less stressed in times like this. I know I can hand it to Him and He will take care of it all.